We spend a lot of our day hearing about all the things we're doing wrong or could be doing better as a parent.
I call bullshit. Here's all of the things you've probably done right: 1. You fed your baby. PERIOD. I don't care how you fed your baby. You breastfed? AWESOME! You formula fed? AWESOME! You already rock! 2. You clothed your baby.
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The art of an exit speech.
It's a fickle art. You want to be heard. You need to be heard. World, HEAR ME ROAR. I'm offended and I'm done with you and you MUST know! Because, it's not enough to just leave. All of us who probably didn't know you existed to begin with MUST know that a stranger among us is fed up with us hussies. I salute you exit speecher. You sat down and said to yourself, dammit. I'm important. This online group of people needs to know it. They need to know that I consider myself better than them. It's the only way to make the world a better place. You're selfless. You're just doing God's work. I totally get it. In honor of the not one, but THREE exit speeches I've seen today from the same group, who's probably still calling each other catty bitches, let's examine the crucial elements of any excellent exit speech. Hot damn it has been a day and a half!
I woke up this morning to the little babe singing, and I thought to myself, Today is going to be a beautiful Thursday. Let's do this world! The barista at Starbucks, Melinda, remembered my name AND my drink order for the first time in 472 days. Again, I thought, Can life be any better than at this moment?! About a year ago, I had another blog.
Some of you might have heard about it: Anything But Brunch. It was blogging about exactly what I do now, but under my name. Things were glorious for a while... until I drank a bottle of wine and revealed a blog post of mine. Sometimes I like danger. Sometimes I'm just stupid. And sometimes I just don't give two fucks. These things are highly tied to the amount of caffeine and alcohol I have in me at any given time. At the time I shared it, I honestly thought we'd all be able to laugh together at ourselves. I was sooooo wrong. HOLY hell, these mom groups be TESTING ME TODAY.
DEAR EVERYONE. I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE A BOOB IN PUBLIC BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE A SEX EDUCATION CLASS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND STILL THINK "BOOBIES!!!!" Some context--- a thread about breastfeeding in public is happening. A woman chimes in that she's tired of these women being pushy (about being able to breastfeed in public). She went on to comment: |
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