I've decided that today I'm going to act like a toddler because they have it pretty good.
I'm going to start my morning screaming, just for shits. Because I can. I'm also going to take everything from my crib and throw it onto the floor so my people know I mean business. Sometimes I'm faking it, but right now, I'm being totally serious.
I'm going to expect to be held for a good part of the morning. I'm still sleepy, I just don't want to sleep. I'll require my blanky. My bottle. And Princess Sophia.
I'll throw my bottle on the floor because I can. I won't pick it up. I'll cry when my Mommy picks it up. I'll pretend I want it back and then I'll throw it on the floor again. And then I'll laugh manically.
For breakfast I'll want pancakes. Just kidding. I'll actually want a banana. Nope, I should have made clear I wanted only one slice of the banana. Maybe I'll throw it on the floor so the doggies will eat it. If my Mommy yells at me I'll bawl hysterically. I won't let her wipe my hands and face. It's TORTURE every time!
Mommy is going upstairs. If she doesn't count loudly to 15, I'm going to have a meltdown. If I can't see her, I MUST hear her at all times!
Oh look, the controller!!! Why won't my Mommy turn on the TV? It's time to throw a fit. No, I don't want to read my ladybug book. Or my alligator book. Or my Bubble Guppies book. No, I don't want to play with my Paw Patrol things. In fact, let me wipe everything off the table. OH LOOK A BEACH BALL! I guess I can laugh for a little bit, because beach ball!!!
I'm hungry again. I want a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich so I can rub peanut butter in my hair.
I want to go outside. Mommy says it's cold and windy but I'll cry. I'll stand at that door and cry as long as I have to, in order to get outside.
Ahhhhh, fresh air.
It's cold. Why did my people bring me out here? Maybe if I throw myself dramatically on the ground, they'll realize I want to go inside. WAIT. I must grab a leaf and a rock!
Let's play hide and go seeeeeeek. I'll hide and not come out, no matter how many times Mommy calls me. I love this game. Why does she keep counting to three?
She found me because she said I smell.
I feel soooo fresh. Soooo clean. Wait, why is she lying me down? I was just here FIVE HOURS AGO. I'll scream like my life depends on it. She wouldn't leave me in here if I do that, would she? Wait, the door is closing. And it's .... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Is that a doggy barking? It must be playtime! LET'S DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!
Ohhhhh, we're getting in the car! I love the car! Well, I love the car if Mommy sings the ABC's to me over and over again. I'll clap for her.
We are at a house and there are other little people like me. I want their toys. What is "share" that everyone keeps saying? Why is Mommy taking toys away from me? Look, they have eyeballs too, like me. Do they feel like mine? I need to know. Tooooooys. Mommy, pay attention to me!
Well, that was fun. Annnd we're back in the car.
Food place stop next! We're in a house full of food and people and carts. This is my favorite place to be. The cart gives a great view. Wait, I bet it would be more fun to run free around the store. I'll cry until Mommy tries to hold me. I'll squirm until Mommy can't hold me and puts me down. I'll run down the aisle and laugh. I will NOT hold her hand. I hate it when people touch my hands.
Oh, she's picking me up again. Is this woman crazy? Time to cry. Hysterically. No, goldfish won't make it better. Crackers won't make it better. I don't want Princess Jasmine. I want to roam free. Wait, we're leaving?
My mom says I smell. I know why. Heehee.
We're home again!!! I hope we get to play outside. I love being outside! Bubbles. Leaves. Flowers. They all taste kind of strange, but still.
I hear my Mommy saying "walk, please." I laugh. And WHACK. My head! I feel like there's a new bump. Why did Mommy let this happen to me? Whhhhhhhhhhhy. OH MOMMY IS TURNING ON PEPPA! I should fall more often.
I want something but I don't know what. Maybe if I sign "more" over and over to Mommy, she'll know what I want.
Why isn't she inside my head?!
DADDY IS HOME. THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED. LET ME SHOWER HIM WITH LAUGHTER AND LOVE AND KISSES. I'll sit patiently on his lap and we'll read books together! Mommy can get my dinner ready. Yaaaaaaaaaaay.
Bath night. Thank God these heathens are finally drawing a bubble bath for me. Duckies please. ALL THREE OF THEM. Is that the towel you're using? Where's my hooded yellow one?
Stop touching my hair. I want to wear it this way.
Mommy has picked me up. This must mean bedtime. Scream to everyone. Someone will saaaaaave me.
She better make sure I have both of my blankets or it's on. She gave me both of my blankets, I'm still not pleased. Scream. The door is still open. Tears. Lots of tears. She can't be this cold-hearted. It just got dark. I can't see anything. Did that door just..... ZZZZZZZZZZ.