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Oxygen

4/18/2018

14 Comments

 
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If you prevent the oxygen, the "haters" will suffocate in silence.

That sounds eloquent, right?

I can't count how many times I've been told to ignore. To stick to the message. To stop giving "free air space." 

I understand the well-meaning intent behind the words and from those who say it. They say it because they want it to be true. They say it because they believe it's the right way to support me. The problem is, silence isn't working, hasn't been working (for anyone), and — and now I'm convinced — probably never was working, other than to enable the harassers and the abusers who  continue along without the fear of  being challenged on their behavior — all because we tell ourselves that ignoring this behavior demonstrates we're taking the high road. 

Some high road that is.

Maybe it's a controversial approach — to turn on the flashlight. Maybe people feel silence is polite or mature. When people tell me to not comment and then "it will stop," I realize that, because of my silence, so many will never grasp the true scope of all I do ignore. Of all I'm silent about. Of all you won't learn in this short blog.

Were you shocked by this picture? 

I wasn't. As I was laying in bed, waiting to see if it was time for AB2's bottle, I popped online. It appeared in my inbox. I rolled over to my husband, laughing. 

I laugh because I'm not shocked. I laugh because every day, when I see that someone sent me a "photo," I open with anxiousness, expecting to lay eyes on the latest lie or meme about me. And 99% of the time, that's what those pictures or screenshots are.

I laugh because while for many, you are just now hearing — to an extent — what's been going on, this is my reality day in and day out. Every single day. All day long. And sure, I've played my role. I won't pretend. I hold and share strong opinions. I've made poor post choices. Mistakes are plentiful around these parts. I won't pretend to be surprised that there are people who dislike me for a myriad of reasons. I learned a long time ago that it's too much work to try and please everyone and that you can't spend your whole life answering for a person you no longer are.

I laugh when my husband jokes that my murder will make a great Lifetime movie. I laugh when we estimate the over/under on how many people in Conejo Valley rabidly hate me. I laugh, because it's the only response I can have at this point.

I mean, there are multiple hate pages dedicated to yours truly. I have Truthers... who, um, reveal "the truth" by collaging public comments I made on my public page, publicly! Like that's a real thing. I've seen posts where a group of people were organizing to COME TO MY HOUSE on the night of Mike Dunn's censure. They were advised by their group's admin not to proceed with their plans. I've seen almost every organization I'm affiliated with receive calls filled with threats, lies about me, or both.

Tell me, at what point is asking someone to be silent more about a comfort level or perceived idea of "taking the high road" than recognizing we have a real problem if we're annoyed by those who finally say ENOUGH.

Because I'm saying it. 


I'm done being quiet about it. I'm done attempting to please others' comfort levels by remaining silent. I'm done being told to "stick to the message." What message? It's my page. I've got lots of them. I'm done being told what is best for me to write about and how best I can appease someone with the content on my page. I'm done because, "If you aren't in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback." (Brene Brown).

I'm done being silent because these are teachable moments. These are moments and behaviors and actions we can use to learn what's appropriate. If they're never spoken about, it's easy for people to deny we have a real problem in the way in which we communicate and in the way in which we disagree with one another. I had a discussion with a friend recently who suggested that we have lost the art of discourse. I wondered... did we ever have it to begin with?

It used not to be polite to talk about politics at the dinner table or with friends. It was taboo. At the soccer field you talked about the weather or school events. It was  not long ago that people lived without devices that can upload us in a second, from multiple different platforms, on everything from pop culture to world events. Never before have we experienced such an influx and ease of opinions and articles at the tip of our fingers — on demand.

We now have to learn to navigate what technology means for how we educate ourselves and how we interact with people we never had experience being exposed to before. 

That doesn't happen overnight. But it also doesn't ever happen if we don't address the elephant in the room that we're trying to hide in the closet.

We all know how to agree with one another. Maybe it's time we take a real hard look at how we disagree with each other.
14 Comments
Lori Jacobs
4/18/2018 02:33:07 pm

You keep it up. You have loads of people in your camp, applauding you and supporting you. I would bet anything that there are more of us than them.

If these are being sent to you, I doubt that there is any legal ‘expectation of privacy’. Especially given the content. I don’t see why you can’t name the sender. I guess you’d first have to go through a process to be certain that the name on the email is actually the person who sent it tho.

Reply
Lori Kissinger
4/18/2018 02:41:26 pm

One question. Can’t these people be outed. I’m sure it would not be a surprise who some of them are.

You are brave and resourceful. Thank you for all you do to care. What has TOks become? Or has it always been there and there is now license to hate and destroy.

Reply
Lynne Simpson
4/18/2018 02:43:35 pm

I am not someone who follows blogs. In fact this is my only one. But I am person who follows what is going on in Thousand Oaks. As a parent, grandparent, community member and a retired teacher in the district I have deep concerns about our school board. When I read and see the things that have happened to you because of your beliefs my heart breaks and my eyes fill with tears. I can not accept that you would be attacked and treated in such horrible ways. There are many people I have not agreed with in the last year and a half, but I have never attacked them personally. I have been proud that I lived in a place we could have different beliefs and thoughts. To learn that is not concurrently true in the Conejo Valley, is so unacceptable. I don't what I can say to help, but know I support you and your right to speak up completely. I will continue to make my voice be heard where and when ever I can. thank you for what you are doing.

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Jackie Greenhill
4/18/2018 02:47:06 pm

Yes! Enough!! You do not have to accept this treatment. This is unacceptable and inexcusable.

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Wendy
4/18/2018 02:55:42 pm

As one of those who has been telling you not to egg them on- at this point I say screw it. I’ll bring a dozen.

While I’m not surprised at the constant bullying and harassment, I am disgusted by it.

To think grown women can be so vile and vindictive.

Reply
Barbara St.Charles
4/18/2018 02:56:12 pm

You Go Girl. Don't look back and stay true to you! We are in your corner.

Reply
Joyce Miller
4/18/2018 03:00:54 pm

In my experience as a teacher, I was on the receiving end of bullying by mothers, one particular. It took a very heavy toll on my health, and so, I left the classroom to mentor new teachers instead. Unlike your hate-filled opponents, I never really understood why they bullied me day after day. I can tell you, love, it takes a bigger toll on you than you can imagine. I understand why you are standing up to these hateful crazies, but take a look at how it is affecting you. Nothing is worth the degradation of your health.

Reply
Jean Kammerer
4/18/2018 03:33:54 pm

They need to be outed, reported to the email service they use, and perhaps reported to police. Block them.

There is free speech, but then there is harassment, intimidation, and threats. If they are connected to anyone running for office, it should be outed.

Reply
Kacy Stravitz
4/18/2018 03:45:15 pm

What is a cuntasousrex? 😂

Reply
AM
4/18/2018 03:55:50 pm

I'm not going to name names because I don't want to be responsible for harassment on the opposite end. But, yes, many, if not all of the women involved are also affiliated with the Unified Conejo Group and many of them are staunch Mike Dunn supporters.

Reply
stephen wolfe
4/18/2018 03:56:21 pm

not sure you need more to read, AND, with the thought that "understanding is the booby prize in life", I still find some books/articles/links helpful in putting people's illogical behavior into context .... SO, here are a few, enjoy(?) http://www.press.uchicago.edu/Misc/Chicago/467716.html .... https://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/25/books/review/the-righteous-mind-by-jonathan-haidt.html ... https://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/25/books/review/the-righteous-mind-by-jonathan-haidt.html

Reply
T
4/18/2018 04:24:35 pm

How adult of you not to divulge the haters' names. Personally I don't believe they deserve the protection of anonimity and are taking advantage of your class. I'd rather they be outed and ostracized for being exaxwho they are. However, any threats should be reported to the police. No one in our community needs to be subjected to this kind of harrassment.
P.S. You're awesome.

Reply
Celeste Russi link
4/19/2018 03:09:40 pm

First of all the spelled "Cuntasousrex" a horrible ridiculous word WRONG
Second what they are doing is a CRIME there are cyberbullying and Harrassment laws on the books and I think you should take action against them. I understand why you don't want to out them but I think they need to be or at least take legal action and I'm sure many would pitch in a Go Fund Me Acount to help with your legal bills. This is not ok. I know I could not be silent I was bullied terribly in school just for being fat, my daughter was bullied and spoke out and it stopped somewhat but adults bullying is disgusting and a bad example and they need to be held accountable.

Reply
Lora Novak
4/19/2018 08:38:53 pm

You are right to stand up and refute the lies. English teachers in the CVUSD who teach George Orwell's 1984 emphasize one of many key ideas: "And if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed—if all records told the same tale—then the lie passed into history and became truth." It's important to stand up. Now, SOME school board members would prefer that we not teach 1984 (FYI: there's an official opt-out request for 1984 at one of our high schools--thank you, certain school board members, for demonizing this seminal work), but the new mantra at all three high schools is "If you see something, say something." We can't teach our students to stand up against injustice and not do the same. You go, AM! Stand up! We are behind you.

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  • Blog
  • About
  • Community
    • Safe Passage TOY DRIVE
    • Upcoming Events
    • Get Involved
    • Register to Vote
    • Conejo Community Outreach
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    • Safe Passage Playground
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