In honor of the mommy mutiny in response to paidadvertisinggate2015* let's take a look at mommy group rules I've compiled from across the land! These are real rules.
1. If you don't know how to be an adult, then bye felicia! (a girl after my own heart!)
2. Sadly, we have to state, WE DON'T CONDONE CHILD ABUSE! (I need to know what prompted this.)
3. This is a safe space with no judging, no debating, no discriminating, and no bashing! (yaaaawn.)
4. Please do not discuss posts with members outside of this group. That is just ruuude. (well that's no fun!)
5. Don't block the admin. (haha, a real rogue!)
6. Nothing is too freaky, harsh, scary, or taboo to talk about! (And they expect me NOT to silently judge??!)
7. Mommies need support. Please be nice. No bullying. (it's incredible that this has to be stated in EVERY mom group. It's also incredible how many women claim bullying when someone disagrees with them)
8. Please, no graphic photos of rashes or diapers or your children's private parts. (This is totally a thing.)
9. Angel Groups- these are formed for mothers in need to offer support, but we will not accept the posting of gofund me links or donations. (Great, a Facebook prayer group that prays for other people to help someone in need.)
10. Only invite "cool" moms. (Yeah... determining who is cool and not cool is totally the makings of a supportive mom group!))
After some evaluating, I think some key rules are missing**:
1. If you have to type "following" or "." to follow a post, you shall be banned.
2. If you make the statement "everyone is allowed to make whatever choice we feel is best for our kids and we should live and let live" when the choice in question is something that would affect EVERYONE and not just your child, you shall be down-voted.
3. Facebook needs to allow a down-voting option.
4. Go ahead and udder (yes, I went there) the phrase "breast is best" in condescending fashion. I dare you.
5. If you're going to start a debate (and you know who you are), ample time must be provided for me to pour myself a Guinness and prepare a cheese platter. I'm a classy broad.
6. Cease-fires shall exist between 12am and 5am. No one is capable of a worthy zinger during those hours.
7. Look, we all get the "free the nipple" movement. Really, we do. I promise I'm not turned on by them, so can we skip the photos in the newsfeed for attention?
8. If you're a true friend and you know I'm not available to witness the latest shit-storm, screenshot.
9. If you are pro-vax, you aren't going to change your mind. If you're anti-vax you're not going to change your mind. BOTH sides "bully", so stop crying victim. If you post a "conversation" about it and then pull the "I'm being bullied card," you're an idiot.
10. I hate the "DH" acronym. It's condescending to my Dear Husband.
11. If you delete a thread you started, you're a coward! SMITE.
12. Ask me ONE MORE TIME what I think is "wrong with your knee"... ONE MORE TIME. By the way, it's cancer.
13. If you've consumed your own breast milk, I need to know.
14. If you comment an opinion and then tell everyone you don't want to debate or have a conversation about it... SMITE.
15. You must read these rules before making an exit speech.
16. Thou shall not tell other women to "have some grace" or advise: "you should be lifting women up," in response to an opinion they don't like, especially if they are affiliated with a group that does not lift women up, themselves.
17. HAVE SOME GRACE.
18. Psssst, if your contribution to every controversial post is: "this is so drama," you are the drama. That's not a rule, as much as some real talk.
19. Don't start witch hunts about anyone by posting their name, their picture etc, with the purposeful intent for others to attack or demean. -- YUP THAT'S HAPPENED MULTIPLE TIMES.
20. I'm a prude. No "just been fucked" selfies. This was also a real thing.
21. Stop tagging the admin. She has a life.
22. If you're going to say that you give zero fucks, you actually have to give zero fucks.
23. Remember these are mom groups. Lighten up.
*paidadvertisinggate2015 refers to the incident that occurred in the months of May and June of 2015 in which a popular mommy group rolled out a paid advertising plan for local mommy consultants and businesses. A mutiny ensued, followers were lost, new mommy groups were born, and the community was in uproar. It was lots of fun!
**this blog has been updated since original post.
What mommy group rule do you think is a MUST?