It's been a busy week of what the fuckery in the what the what the what?!
*PING* went my inbox-- "Do you know there's now a Mermaid Moms?" (I'm breaking my "no Mermaid Mom talk" rule for the sake of this blog).
Be still my heart! A magical fantasy creature mom group showdown in the works? Who would reign supreme? Would it be the reigning Unicorn Moms, with their youtube channel, painting parties, and love for anal? Or, would it be our newcomers?! The... hmmm, *reads description* ... Unicorn knockoffs? I love rooting for the dark, um, fin, so I was willing to be merslapped, as long as a dance off that rivaled Westside Story happened. Alas, things moved quickly for the Mermoms. That might be in small part due to the offer of getting a $50 gift card if you added the most people to the group. You all must really hate your friends. Wait, $50 can buy me at least 4 Starbucks. I can hate all my friends for that as well. I'm a cheap sellout.
The moms with missing tata beach shells wasted no time attempting to stake their claim, with a car decal that's twice the cost of the UMs'. I'll give it to them, they really are the queen of one-uppers, and I can appreciate that dedication. UMs post "just been fucked" selfies. MMs post "currently being fucked" selfies. UMs post cleavage shots. MMs just post full on tit shots. UMs post ass shots. MMs post dick pics and masturbation photos.
My inbox is still recovering. It actually might be on lockdown for the amount of pornographic images received. I'm personally excited to see what ads Google comes up with based on those attachments.
Things took a turn when the cackling hens infiltrated MMs. Those poor admins. In the icy grasp of crazy and they don't even realize it. Although, I will say that I've grown to love my cackling hens. It's pretty adorable how strong their dedication is for me. Five months since #vaccinepostdebaclewaclebroohahah, and these broads are still posting about me daily. I imagine it's kind of a sad life. Imagine being so angry and filled with hatred for someone you've never met. Then imagine not being able to stop yourself from refreshing their page every 5 minutes. Then imagine not being able to go a day without talking about them. What kind of hell is that? Let's all take a moment and pray for them. What did they do in a former life to deserve such a fate?!
I actually made a haiku of one of my biggest fan's string of page comments:
You love drama
You seem to thrive on it.
It's, it's..... beautiful. A masterpiece worthy of being hung in the finest library there is.
Anywho, apparently the cackling hens drugged the MM admins and then went on a fender bender of posts about me. Their secret group dedicated to me just wasn't enough. I don't blame them. I'm pretty fascinating. The rumor mill led to some asshattery of epic proportions on my page, which led to the shit show.
I've learned that interrogations are currently happening if you have any affiliation to me or my page and you want to swim with the mergirls. Watch out ladies. They might force you to look at their vaginas as punishment. Additionally I heard that I'm not the only one who runs my page! That's fun. I also heard that I'm anonymous. Bahahahahaha. Also, apparently I begged to be added to MM and then got banned. I'm still waiting to see screenshots of the begging.... and I'm still not banned...so I'm actually really excited to find out who they think I am. I'm so excited to uncover even more fun facts about me. Please let me be related to someone rich. Please let me be related to someone rich.
Oh, the Unicorn Moms now have a website. And dammit, it's nicely done. Maria, I hate it when you give me something to compliment. Also, are you paying the MMs to be your PR team? Because, that's a genius move.
Unfortunately, I've had to end my brief love affair with MMs due to an admin sending harassing messages to people who commented on my page, in addition to attempting to post slander about a local woman in the community. And boo boo, that's a no no on a public page.
So, for everyone who messaged me with I NEED A DAILY RECAP, that should suffice. Tomorrow shall be a day of cleanse and detox. My page still smells like fish.