Did You Know What Else You're Doing To Harm Your Child?

Sometimes, when I'm feeling frisky, I imagine myself posting in a Facebook Mommy Group that I let my baby watch Baby Einstein, you know, just to see what would happen.


Fortunately I don't have to, because another brave, brave soul did. But this gal, well, she went the apologist route to set the pack at ease. You know, something along the lines of, "My baby watches baby Einstein and she loves it but I feel so guilty because I wonder if it's harming her. I want to be a good mom and just don't know if she's too young since she's under 2."


I feel like 2 is the magic age for everything. You made it with the kid on the boob until 2? Totally have a smaller chance of getting cancer AND being judged. Total win. Make it 2 years without your little pup glancing the bright lights of your television? Good for you, you're not setting your child up for a life of failure! I mean, why even keep them in the house after 2, right? Fly little birds. We've given you the world, now be on your way! 


Anywho, even though she started off apologizing, she wasn't spared. One mom wrote, "Please don't let your child watch anything until they're 2. It's bad for them developmentally. Please."


Don't EVER "please" me this or that when it comes to a decision I'm making about MY child as though I'm personally hurting you, ESPECIALLY if I don't even know you from the woman behind me in line at the market. There are few things I find more condescending than another mom essentially pleading with me not to do something, for her sake, as though I'm killing my child. 


Then the hoards of mommies arrived. It's like they all alert one another when there's a victim prime for the kill. I picture them all sipping their decaf Mother's milk tea, eating dairy free baked goods (so as not to upset their lo's tummy) when, dun dun dun--- fresh blood appears! Quick ladies, get our binder full of studies telling parents how everything in the whole wide world will kill their children! The time is now!! We cannot rest! 


Post after post about this study or that study letting us all know that we've failed as moms, as people, if we've ever let our precious kitten's eyes befall the television set. I for one think that's totally selfish. Why should we get to watch Game of Thrones without them? Rude. I mean, there's no way they weren't going to hear about the Red Wedding spoiler if we waited until she was 2. And how much do we all hate spoilers?!


So here's the thing, my baby, who's 434 days old, LOVES baby Einstein. AND GUESS WHAT. She's learned how to sign doggy and ball and bird from it. So, I'm not going to ask you if you think it's harming my child who is signing to me, because my child is SIGNING WORDS TO ME. How cool is that? 


And do me a favor, take your studies (which apparently you only care about when it doesn't involve vaccinations) and shove it. Please.