The letter I wish I could send

Dear spouse of my friend,

Tonight I heard my friend's tears again. Her sadness. Her loneliness. Her anger. Her frustration. 

I heard once more about your emotional and verbal abuse. Your selfish comments, dripping with condescension. Your inability to be a spouse; to respect your wife, let alone a woman. Your inability to be a decent human being. Your inability to put someone else beside yourself first.

Sure, you apologized, eventually. You always eventually do, as though an apology absolves you from every horrendous, derogatory remark that leaves your mouth. But, you don't change because deep down, you don't think you're wrong. And so the cycle continues.

You continue to be selfish. You continue to make your wife, my friend, cry. You continue to turn a blind eye to the wonderful woman you have standing beside you.

Let me tell you about your wife. She's kind. She's caring. She has an amazing sense of humor. She is a fantastic mother. She thinks about you. She worries for you, even when you've sought to put her down. She's strong, stronger than you give her credit for, considering you think it's manly to belittle and beat down. She believes in you, or who you used to be anyway. She works at your marriage, something you've long neglected. She is tender and patient. She doesn't take your bait and respond in kind. She looks for a reason, but I'm sure there won't be one that truly helps ease her.

I know the reason: you are not worthy of her. You are not worthy of a relationship in which you do not participate in. You are not worthy of someone who gives their all while you give your none. You are not owed a partner to berate and insult and take your anger out on. 

One day you will wake up and the space in which your wife used to lie will be empty and cold. And you will be worse for it because she is sunshine and magic and warmth. It would serve you well to understand this reality before it is yours, because sooner rather than later, she'll have had enough. Her strength that you overlook will lead her right out that door. And she'll find happiness without you.

But I can't send you this letter because it's not my business.

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