Starting the Conversation

White girl here, reaching out to my white peeps to talk about race, because for some of you ... this might be your first introduction into the conversation and you don't know where to start. I don't write this post to present myself as an authority by any means, and I can only speak to what I've learned (and I still have lots of learning to do), after a lot of listening, and a lot of difficult conversations.

​You should always seek out PoC opinions/writings on this topic when they've so graciously taken the time to educate us — and by god are they tired of trying. My hope is that you will take this this in, and then either start or continue doing the much needed work of becoming a true ally.

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Let's start with some very basic terminology and phrases you may be hearing:

WHITE PRIVILEGE
When someone states you have white privilege, it does not mean your life hasn't been hard. It, in the most simplest terms, means your skin tone isn't one of the things making it harder. White privilege is one of many different privileges you may have. It is important to acknowledge and recognize your privilege so that you can use it to support PoC who were not born with this privilege. White people: it's not an insult unless you choose to be offended by it — it's simply  a fact that the privilege exists.

Further free reading  on this topic >>>
​What is white privilege — racial equity tools
My white friend asked me to explain white privilege, so I decided to be honest
Understanding White Privilege

Books on White Privilege >>>
White Fragility
White Like Me
So you want to talk about race

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SYSTEMIC (STRUCTURAL/INSTITUTIONAL) RACISM
I wasn't even taught this or understood this until after college, and after being a part of some very eye-opening conversations with  black people. Succinctly put: Institutional racism (also known as systemic racism) is a form of racism expressed in the practice of social and political institutions. It is reflected in disparities regarding wealth, income, criminal justice, employment, housing, health care, political power and education, among other factors.

I'm going to pull from an opinion piece which nails it. "A majority of white Americans still cannot come to terms with what black people have known forever: Racism is systemic, systematic, and nowhere near gone. Many white Americans cannot admit that racism remains an inherent societal problem and state structures are in dire need of reform to achieve equal treatment for the citizens they purport to serve."

Further free reading on this topic >>>
What is systemic racism — a pastoral letter against racism
Can black people be racist? 
The myth of reverse racism (this also has some additional links worth reviewing)

Books on systemic racism >>>
Segregation by design
The White Racial Frame
The Color of Law
Stamped From the Beginning

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WHITE FRAGILITY
Discomfort and defensiveness on the part of a white person when confronted by information about racial inequality and injustice. I've gotten defensive, you've gotten defensive — it's hard when we're challenged  and that challenge feels personal or hurts our feelings. But unless your white tears (you'll hear that term as well so I incorporate it here for perspective) leads you to educate yourself and do your part to become an ally, your hurt feelings simply don't have place in the conversation about racial inequality and injustice because ... it's not about you. You, as a white person, are not the victim ... and black people are tired of white people making a conversation about racial inequality about them and their feelings. They're also tired of trying to educate us on their lived experiences, to be met with deaf ears, or cries of "not all white people ...".

Further  free reading on this topic >>>
What's my complicity?

Relevant Books >>>
I'm Still Here, Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness
White Fragility

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BLACK LIVES MATTER
It's simple. If you don't get it, add a "too" at the end of it. Black lives matter too. All lives cannot matter unless black lives matter. It's not saying black lives matter more, or that only black lives matter.

This statement exists with in the context that inherently, it's already understood that all lives should matter. Retorting with "ALL LIVES MATTER" highlights your refusal to acknowledge systemic racism and disproportionate police brutality as it is applied to black people. 

If your friend was raising funds and awareness for a severely underfunded form of cancer (perhaps one that their child died from), would you scream at them: "ALL CANCERS MATTER"? Of course you wouldn't. 

Further free reading >>>
What it really means when you say all lives matter
Why responding with "blue lives matter" is problematic

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TONE POLICING
"It’s simple, really. Tone policing describes a diversionary tactic used when a person purposely turns away from the message behind her interlocutor’s argument in order to focus solely on the delivery of it." (Source: Tess Martin)

Also ... just go to Tess's website and read her SERIES.

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Now is not the time for you to ask black people to educate you or do your homework for you. You need to read, listen and then take what you've learned (after LOTS of listening and lots of reading), and have the necessary and difficult conversations with your white friends, elevate and amplify PoC voices, and then support candidates who are willing to put in the work to dismantle white supremacy and address reparations.