SALT.

SALT.


Do we all have a little bit too much of it in our diets lately?

I started this blog because I like to write and Mom Groups are fabulous breeding grounds for great material --- there's so much humor in parenting that I think people ignore or are too afraid to touch on because of everyone else's sensitivities. These days, you post anything and someone, somewhere has a "right to be offended!"  And they'll tell you. They can't live unless they tell everyone, everywhere that has made a comment that offends them, that they have done so. That's how much validation is needed these days from complete strangers. And since everyone is offended by everything, no one ever says anything they want to say. Imagine all the great jokes we miss out on from fear of someone getting upset?!

WHAT HAPPENED TO US?!

I'm sure we all had a sense of humor and the ability to laugh BEFORE we were parents. Did having a child just really beat us down that badly that we refuse to be able to laugh at commonplace parenting mishaps and milestones together? How are we really missing the ability to laugh at half the shit posted in mom groups? For real. We are a hilariously ridiculous bunch. That's why I love us.

When someone says they can't believe I'm a mother because of the things I write... I have to wonder if something went wrong during the birth of my child. I mean, did everyone else have some magical event happen to them during the labor process in which they birthed away their personality? I'm truly curious. Did I get skipped over? Can someone tell me the standard qualities that are supposed to be inherited and subscribed to upon becoming a mother? THAT was not in my "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book.

You should know if you're reading this page that no one here actually takes it seriously. NO ONE. Not even myself. That is the whole point. To find humor in parenting and mom groups AND TO MAKE FUN OF OURSELVES. This should go without saying, but I have to repeat it time and time again as there is no real sarcasm font.  STOP taking everything I say so seriously. It's not good for you. It makes you an angry, miserable person if you actually think I subscribe to only one way of parenting. Pumpkin, you can be right too! It's ok! We can BOTH be right! Is that what you need to hear? 

If you're visiting my page ON THE DAILY, and then continue to find yourself getting worked up over it, do yourself a favor. Get your ass off the internet. Find a good lay. Drink a nice cold beer. Apply coconut oil generously to remove the stick out of your ass. Apply again. It might be really stuck. Get some fresh air. Pour some apple cider vinegar in your coffee. Or wait, is that butter? And move the fuck on. OR, rejoin us once you're done being a spiteful dick who continues to miss the point.

AND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, CUT BACK ON THE SALT IN YOUR DIET, you salty bitches.

Whooooooooooosh.