PEW PEW PEW

Hot damn it has been a day and a half!

I woke up this morning to the little babe singing, and I thought to myself, Today is going to be a beautiful Thursday. Let's do this world!

The barista at Starbucks, Melinda, remembered my name AND my drink order for the first time in 472 days. Again, I thought, Can life be any better than at this moment?!

I got to work a half hour early so I could break into my day, check my emails, see what's up with the moms, you know. The ushzzze. I had more emails than normal pointing me toward a post about my blog from another spin off blog. Now I had been aware of this page from the jump, and thought COOL, another like-minded gal! So it took me off guard that she wanted to clarify that she never liked my blog on such a fine day as today.

So my coffee hadn't kicked in. I saw the high road, and I thought, That looks high! So I settled for the middle. SO SUE ME. I might have posted something "innocent."  ----> "A cheap knockoff is... just that."

Well chickypoo went "full retard" after that. You never go "full retard!" (I'm so sad I have to clarify that this is a reference from "Tropic Thunder," so calm your damn horses down if you haven't seen the movie.) Something something something about being a stepford wife and how she pretended to like play dates, and some nonsense about an affair of a neighbor's... I don't know. I blacked out about half way through due to shitty grammar.

MOCV got its first espresso shot of the morning when her blog found its way to the page.

She got everything she hoped for and a few new likes!

I said to myself, You know what? let me climb back to the high road. I can do it! I know I can! I bravely slurped the rest of my Americano, put on my classiest sweatpants, combed half of my hair, and removed my "knockoff" post.

It wasn't long before "Pastor Ralph" popped in to advise me that I'd have more of an impact if I were able to communicate like an adult.

READ: Curse words are bad! Now put your hand flat out while I grab my ruler!

Uh, yeah. I just don't give too much power to "fuck" or "shit." I really don't. They're curt, they're to the point, and they're a great burst of expression. I love them.

Pastor Ralph doesn't love them. He's worried for my child (ren). They'll never know how to treat people because I said the word "fuck" in a blog! Dooooooooomed. 

How about I'll worry about my children. Why don't you, Pastor Ralph, worry about saving your preaching and outrage for things worth actually being outraged about? 

Then, out of left field... WHAM BAM... literally one of the most irrelevant people that has graced my existence swung on by to call me a bullying bitch who should be ashamed and should know better because I'm a mother. Then she called some other moms bitches, and in true bad girl fashion, threw out the "you don't know me!" First she promised to block the page. Then she didn't because I'm assuming she realized she wouldn't actually be able to see it. And then she kept saying she was done, but then kept commenting. GOOD GOD. How many good bye posts do we need from someone? Is it that serious? You're not even a mom... (I banned her, so no need to look for the post. She can't bully anyone else and I don't want her being able to claim bullying from us.)

By now, I'm out house hunting, my phone is about dead, and I hear that someone created a fake Facebook profile and got herself added to #MOCV, all in a master plan to "out" me. 

Bahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahaahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA .haaaaaaaaa. HA. HA. haaaaaa.

It's not like the best kept secret for starters. But secondly, THANK YOU!!! I am truly flattered that you were so invested in my page, that you created your own fake profile of anonymity, to try and take down #AM. You have to be my biggest fan, hands down. I almost feel like I should buy you a drink!

It wasn't long before that post got taken down, only to be replaced with another one of my fan's attempts to out me.

Ladies, you are making me blush. Save some of that attention for your DH's (Dear Hubbys)!

What I'm really curious about is whether or not these fine folks needed assistance in how far up their ass they got that stick.

LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP. We don't bully on my page. We make fun of ourselves. We "get" how hilarious mom groups actually are. We pretend we're only here for "support" ...but come on. It's entertainment. We're humans raising humans! Of course we're gonna be crazy. Our little fuckers are crazy! I know half you hussies screenshot on the DAILY. Rip off that 'holier-than-thou' bandaid! Trust me, it feels good. It's ok to have a sense of humor. It's ok to poke fun of ourselves. It's ok to have disagreements and different opinions...

Oh wait. No it's not. Did you know... that what you're doing right now is PROBABLY KILLING YOUR CHILD, YOU HEATHEN?

For real. 

Just ask the mom groups. 

And make sure you have some coconut oil to soothe that burn.