#huggiesuegatebonanza

Amidst #huggiesuegatebonanzacrazypantsviraldealsafetyforourbabiescharade I'm realizing some of y'all need a lesson.

What is bullying?

When someone posts public commentary on their own page about publicly posted content... that is not bullying, regardless of whether you agree with their opinion or not. For example - the David Beckham article posted earlier, regarding the paci controversy. No matter what my real opinion is on it, I can assure you that David Beckham isn't sending his team to hunt me down for bullying because I shared a public article about him, and shared my opinion about it, on MY page.

Now, If I spent my day messaging David Beckham on all of his personal accounts incessantly, name calling him, belittling him, attempting to chastise him, and/or threatening violence against him if I ever saw him in person.... THAT is bullying.

So, let's apply that to a recent post of mine and see if we can all get the hang of it!

It all started on a beautiful Thursday. I was perusing social media, as I normally do because my job is social media based. I know how angry that must make you... I'm working and I "DO have the time," to do both! I was eating my tamales that I got from Trader Joe's, which were delicious, and I was enjoying a Diet Peach Snapple. It's how I maintain my girlish figure.

Anyway, a post kept being bumped up in my feed, over and over again. "Attention Mommies, Danger!" sort of post. I read a few comments, concluded the chick who posted the video got a bad batch of Huggies wipes, and moved on with my life. But it kept reappearing. And the more it reappeared, the more this chick's tone of comments changed. Her first few comments were "concern for our babies," but those were now a thing of the past. Comment reply after comment reply of her emphatically insisting that "this was a huge lawsuit" and that she "would be hiring an attorney here real soon." *PING* My radar is up.

Let's discuss why my radar is up....  

1. An incident in Guam with glass shards found in Huggies wipes had conveniently hit the internet the day before her video was posted.
2. The woman just conveniently happens to use a Huggies wipe on her face and "feels something." And like everyone's first reaction, she gathers up all of her Huggies products, with whatever logos are on there, making sure they're facing the camera, and gives everyone a curse-word laden tutorial of how she found glass in her baby wipes. 
3. She immediately spends her entire day posting to every mom group she can get her hands on, crying about the danger that could have been (no actual harm happened to her child). By the way, should I ask who's watching her child while she's doing this? (That appears to be a popular question to ask any time someone posts something online, I'm learning.) For the record, my child is.... OH MY GOD, WHERE'S MY CHILD?!?!? Oh, wait, PHEW. She's just playing with the stove, guys.
4. She tells us she calls Huggies and that Huggies is going to send her reimbursement for her troubles and to purchase new wipes. Additionally, they've asked she mail the product so they can do testing. She will not send them the whole product. Nope. She is only going to send them a tiny sample. Makes total sense. I'd want to keep product in my house that "has traumatized me," AND prevent Huggies from being able to do a thorough investigation and analysis. Guys, she's totally concerned about our babies!
5. She responds on at least four occasions, excitedly informing everyone that she is going to sue immediately. She'll deny this over and over, but for some reason I was feeling frisky that day and screenshotted those very comments! HOW DO I HAVE THE TIME?!?!??

THEN let's discuss what happened next.

I voiced my opinion on my page, that when people jump so quickly to enthusiastically insist "it's going to be a large lawsuit," I'm a skeptic. And I also wrote that I didn't think you could sue for something that didn't actually happen. I mean, it's one of the most neutral, benign posts I think I've ever written. 

I am allowed to have that opinion. I am allowed to be skeptical of a video that's posted online. I am allowed to talk about it on my page. That is NOT bullying.

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED.

Mama Huggies came and visited my page and wrote a few comments and I think she tried to bless me or something. She got embarrassed by her comments and deleted all of them...but that was just the beginning. Then Mama Huggies sent in back-up. No, for real. Her mom. Her brother. A cousin? EIGHT COUSINS? NEIGHBORS? Her besties? And they, having absolutely "not enough time for this!" posted incessantly on this page, for hours, responding to every comment, name calling, and even writing that if they knew my identity, they'd like to cause physical harm to me. And then they openly wondered why my page is "anonymous," whiiiiiiile they were posting from fake Facebook Profiles.

I cannot make this shit up. But guys, they're not the bullies. We are!

Then I received an alarming message from someone that asked me to please make sure I was screenshotting everything because they were being harassed. Having seen the alarming tone of some of the comments, I decided it was best to remove the thread because you never know what people who threaten violence online are really capable of.

I was incredulous. Who makes threats over a Huggies wipes post?! How does one get to this level of crazy? 

It wasn't long after that, that our heroine of the day sent a private message to me. I am cracking up thinking about it. I feel like she must have been manically laughing while she typed her evil plot to reveal me on social media.  OH NOS, GUYS. Whatever will I do? I wish she would have had at least some basic respect, and used a dictionary... but we can't all get what we want, can we?

AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.

I was walking into Girls' Night dinner and my messages started blowing up. "Mommy Gone Sideways" is back!

WHO?

Oh yeah. That one chick who thought she could be me, and then failed miserably, and then went full nuts on her page. In shame, she went silent, hiding her tail between her legs. Well, MGS is back! And her first post was to post an alleged screenshot of someone she claims is me, and that person's child. Yep guys. Mommy Gone Sideways posted a photo of someone else's child on her page. That's real class right there. I mean, at least 130 or something of you agree, since you're still fans of hers... so there's that.

MGS tells us she was taking vacation for a month and that upon getting back, she had received "tons of emails...." I had to stop reading after that because I needed tissues to wipe the tears from laughing so hard.

BUT GUYS, THE LESSON IN ALL OF THIS IS THAT I'M A BIG HUGE BULLY because I think some chick who signed a viral video licensing deal and plans to hire an attorney, might slightly be full of shit. Especially since she spent the entire next day having all of her friends and family delete comments... guess you have to "clean up" your social media if you want to look attractive around lawsuit time...

I'm hoping she makes enough money off that viral deal to hire a full team to deal with all the "bullies." I mean, have you seen the negative backlash and skepticism on her youtube video? It's gonna take years for her family to go after all the Youtube commenters!

It's been a magical two days. AGAIN, HOW DO I HAVE TIME??!! It's like I might have a job with real breaks. No, that's not logical. It's like  it doesn't take me hours to craft a Facebook post. No that's not logical. It's like I have a baby that naps and sleeps regularly. No way, that certainly can't be logical. It's like I have a husband who's an active father. Nooooope, totally not logical. HOW DO I HAVE THE TIME TO READ AND WRITE A FACEBOOK POST?!?!?! By the way, while you were reading this blog, I wrote and scheduled seven FB posts, because, magic. And because it's not rocket science.