GoFundMYASS

Sometimes a gift horse just looks you straight in the eye.

Thanks Moms of Conejo Valley... you really never let me down! #MOCV

Usually I dedicate Tuesdays to #TMITUESDAYS, and we certainly had some solid leads, didn't we ladies? Between the picture of the popped zit, the description of a heavy period -- (blood everywhere!), and the woman sharing that she leaks semen all day after her husband finishes inside of her, well... honestly, I don't even know how to wrap that sentence up so I'm not gonna try.

But, today, no, today, we have to talk about your obnoxious as fuck GOFUNDME campaigns for stupid shit you don't need, you privileged assholes. NO I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU MONEY FOR A BUNNY COLLAR or god knows what else that isn't a legit necessity. CHRIST.

Well, I don't know about you, but I already feel better.

Honestly, have you no taste? No common sense? Wait, why am I asking if you have common sense? What in God's name made you decide that 1) a gofundme for your sister's 30th birthday celebration was, like, totally an awesome idea?; and 2) that you should post it in a group of 6200 strangers? ??????? ???????????????????? ? ??? ??? ????? ? ? ? ? ? 
?? 

? ?????

FOR REAL. NO, for real though. I need to know what kind of thought process is involved.

Hmmm, my sister totally got screwed and now she has to pay half the bill for her 30th birthday bash because her friends suck balls! To the mom groups I go! They'll help me. They've got money to spare from their MLM businesses! OMG this plan is so brillz I don't even need to donate myself!!! 

So, I'll admit. I stopped scrolling because I totally couldn't even. Ya feel me?

Rookie mistake. Totally missed the first shit storm of feedback in which I can only assume she got a healthy dose of our favorite.... STFU.

Then, as my day was winding down, something better than Happy Hour Margaritas happened. 

A farewell speech!!! I mean, you have to be the ultimate attention whore to post a goodbye speech to a forum of people you don't even know right? BUT THEN....then I realized it was from our chickypoo who had posted the obnoxious drivel of a gofundme campaign just hours earlier.

It was magic. A thing of beauty. So much so that I'm going to do you a solid and transcribe it here:

"Leaving the group. Since I became a part of this group I have seen nothing but snarky rude comments from moms that have nothing better to do than be complete bitches to one another. I will pray for all of you and I really hope you can understand that women stick together. No matter how big or small the issue is. Being mean is completely unnecessary, we don't know each other. We don't know the silent battles we death with. So before we judge someone for something we don't agree with, maybe we should step back and think about what we are going to say. If it's not positive and uplifting, maybe we shouldn't say it."

*And then she attached a photo of a quote that insinuated we're all jerks.

Oh, kitten. My little burrito. Snowflake. Snickerdoodle. Pookie bear. I hope you save some of that prayer for your sister, since she needs the money and apparently that's how you roll. And you're right, we don't know each other. But you're wrong...we know your silent battle -- it's that your sister has irresponsible friends and you want us to pay for her birthday party. And about that judging thing, yah, I can totally judge you. When you post stupid shit, I'm going to judge you.

HERE'S THE THING. Gofundme isn't for your sister's cheerleading uniforms. It's not for your trip to Cabo. And certainly as fuck isn't for your 30th extravaganza. And if you post it in the mom groups, it's pretty much the only time we'll all come together to whoop your online ass. 

And let me just say, I was proud of the moms in this thread. They really brought their A-GAME. #mocv #805 #dontcomeforus

Anyway, maybe someone could offer her sister some Essential Oils. I hear they fix everything.