Beastmode

"No."

**** Beast mode activated ****

You all know what beast mode is. Even you, sanctimommy, who's going to pretend like you don't because you have the perfect child because you're the perfect mom. Also, I refer to it as beast mode and I'm quite confident that it won't break my delicate little snowflake's psyche for life, so spare me.

What is beast mode?

Beast mode can be defined as the monstrosity that is the irrational and sporadic tendency of a toddler to throw bursts of temper tantrums prompted by minimal parenting actions, or nothing.

As used in a sentence: AB is full on beast mode today after I put one piece of the 800 gazillion lego pieces she has back in a lego box.

Common examples of when your child might go into beast mode:

1. For no reason at all
2. The sun is out.
3. The sun isn't out.
4. You gave her water but she wanted "fresh water."
5. You only packed 11 little people figurines for her walk.
6. You said "no."
7. You read her six, not seven books before bedtime.
8. You won't let her have your coffee.
9. You breathed.
10. You sat down.
11. You told her to pick up the toys that she threw on the ground.
12. You're washing her blanket.
13. She doesn't have all the same toys that the other child at the park has. 
14. You want to eat your lunch but she'd prefer to eat it for you.
15. You turned off the t.v.
16. You put socks on her.
17. You moved your left leg.
18. You told her you were going to count to three and she needed to pick up her cup. She didn't pick up her cup.
19. She doesn't want to ride in the grocery cart. She also doesn't want to be held. She also doesn't want to hold your hand. She wants to run like a monkey. Monkeys don't like to be leashed.
20. You smiled in the direction of another child.
21. After the third time of throwing Cinderella on the ground, you didn't give her back.
22. You wouldn't let her play with a knife at the table.
23. She'll be damned if you think she's sitting in the high chair.
24. You asked her to share.
25. You act like you're the boss.

Signs to watch for:

She gives you "the look."

Actually, that's the only sign.

#beastmode