The art of an exit speech.


It's a fickle art. You want to be heard. You need to be heard. World, HEAR ME ROAR. I'm offended and I'm done with you and you MUST know! Because, it's not enough to just leave. All of us who probably didn't know you existed to begin with MUST know that a stranger among us is fed up with us hussies.

I salute you exit speecher. You sat down and said to yourself, dammit. I'm important. This online group of people needs to know it. They need to know that I consider myself better than them. It's the only way to make the world a better place. You're selfless. You're just doing God's work. I totally get it.

In honor of the not one, but THREE exit speeches I've seen today from the same group, who's probably still calling each other catty bitches, let's examine the crucial elements of any excellent exit speech.

Hot damn it has been a day and a half!

I woke up this morning to the little babe singing, and I thought to myself, Today is going to be a beautiful Thursday. Let's do this world!

The barista at Starbucks, Melinda, remembered my name AND my drink order for the first time in 472 days. Again, I thought, Can life be any better than at this moment?!