I often joked about wanting a copy of this book to read while pregnant with AB.
Maybe I'll write my own copy of it while pregnant with AB2.
As you may have read on my page earlier today, AB2 is cooking. I am apparently a very fertile myrtle. We're looking at an after Christmas, before New Year baby. TAX BREAK, HECK YEAH!
I found out not unlike my first pregnancy... which is totally fitting if you know anything about me.
Remember that night I was drinking bourbon and waxing poetic about my love of Lord of the Rings in a series of riveting posts? Let's call that my last night of blissful unawareness! I think my subconscious urged me to have that one last night! Behold, that very next day I started thinking. And, thinking is dangerous. AB jumped up on my chest and I was like OUCH. And then I was like HMMMMMMMM. It's been a while. And then I went to the store and bought a test. When I stepped out the car it started raining. You know when you know, right? When all of the dots just connect and you're like... how did I miss the gazillion obvious signs?! So, I did what any normal person does. I packed up AB and said we're going to my parents because they'll want us to toast with champagne and I NEED SOME NOW.
I hadn't really been keeping track of my period because I thought that the Plan B pill I took shifted it, so if it didn't come for a couple weeks no biggie. Little did I know we were about to join the 1% club... well, let me tell ya... it's not the 1% club I had in mind, but here we are!
It was hard not sharing the news with you guys because I tell you everything because I have no shame, and apparently, according to an FB personality test, nearly 0% reserve. But as we all know, pregnancies are unpredictable and it was best I wait to see the doctor and get some pretty solid confirmation that this baby is go for launch. And to be honest, if the one time we have unprotected sex in three years (thanks PRE-MADE MARGARITA MIX) and a Plan B pill didn't nip it in the bud, I figured this little bebe wants to BE.
Husband: I have Superman sperm!
Me: Tell your sperm to fuck off.
But I wanted to tell you guys because I know your excitement will help foster my excitement.
See, I want to do this pregnancy differently. I'm just as shocked now as I was with AB, but I also have a deeper understanding of the struggles so many go through in order to get pregnant. The last person I want to be is a mouthpiece of complaining about my circumstances, when I know for so many, it's all they've ever wanted. So, I want to be more graceful and more sensitive to that.
I want to be honest and respectful at the same time. I want to process that while this isn't what we planned, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. I remember how much joy AB has brought us, and know we will have those same feelings when we meet our second child, and so that is a helpful place to start from. And it's way less scary, knowing I've survived it once. Plus now I have all you peeps to help keep me sane or drive me crazy!
I'm grateful for all of your well wishes and congratulations and support. I will take in all of your words knowing they come from a great and well-meaning place. I have only request, and it may be asking too much, but please, please don't tell me how lucky I am or how blessed I am. It's not that I don't know these things, and it's not that I'm not unaware that this baby will bring an additional level of craziness and joy to our little family, but I'm not the gal that needs to be beaten over the head with how blessed I am as though I need to be reminded, full well knowing how much this news would mean for others. I understand it. I understand why you say it, I understand you mean it well. I know it. But I'm also still processing and hoping you can all be cool with me on that.
I'm not a comparison gal when it comes to pregnancies. I don't need to hear how lucky I am if I'm not vomiting. I don't need to hear that you'd rather have acid reflux than morning sickness any day. I don't need to hear that now my family will be complete. It is complete now. This will be a new family and that is completely ok! I don't need to hear how lucky I am that I can eat food. I just need to be allowed to process my pregnancy at my own pace, without comparing it to yours or anyone else's and to be allowed to have my feelings because it is my pregnancy. I share it with you because I want to, and because AM is like some weird little unexpected family of mine and I force you to listen to all my shit anyway.
This is going to be a whirlwind, but I know AB is going to be a great big sister, and I know that things will magically work out how they should. I respect that you guys respect me enough and know me well enough at this point to be along for the rollercoaster it will be. I'm looking forward to only continuing to embrace and become excited about being a mom again, as this baby continues to grow.